Murmurs in the night...

Guys, tonight I lay in my bed with the most uncertain of all the feelings I had in the past. It is a feeling where your breath becomes too short and eyes are too full of tears to comprehend your surroundings. My Yahoo notifications keeps bobbing up and down and so is my Skype. I deferred to check my facebook until finally I gave up and lazily keyed in my password. My hard drive is now a distant thing and even the plan of watching a feel good movie is slowly ebbing away from my thought.

Now, there is this one though that I do wish to discard but keeps on seeping through the innermost of my brain that it seems impossible to just...let it go. It has been awhile and I am still dwelling on the remnants of what I call an unintentional rendezvous. Consciously I wish to be over with it and move on and have a pleasant life for the next months. However, unconsciously, it is not the case. I should really start blaming Freud for coming up with this psycho jargon that it makes everyone appear to be...lunatics.

What should I do? How do I cope?

After a lot of teasing and smiling and yes, crying over some spilled milk, I believe I have not come to my senses and deep in me, I know I am a big mess. Luckily, I now took the courage to shave off my small beard although my belt needs further readjustments. I remember this noontime at the office, our post it was the subject of some incriminating messages that I shared with my friend that I find it disturbing rather than amusing that at such a pressure that thought managed to cut through my concentration.

Funny as it may seem, but I keep on associating things and I keep on saying I should move on. Should I now indulge in heavy caffeine so that I can be more awake and eventually come into my senses? I guess so.

I pity my blog as I indiscriminately surged its holy page with loneliness. I enslaved my lappy with what I call an uncalled for period of remorse and pain.

However, after every word that has become a byproduct of my lonely mind, suffice to say that it takes not just courage but a heavy heart to move on with life. At this point, I do not think I am in a better shape to look into another window or open another door. Desperate, that is the word. Insanity, that is what I am now. And, when these 2 words mixed up, I should simply say, "I am in love".

Ciao!