Who Am I? All i say is...Screw Bella!

A mAn wItHoUt aMbItIon is lIkE A sHIp WiThoUt a dEstiNatiOn....

- taken from my elementary class blackboard

Okay, who am I?

Let us start with a few basic things that everyone needs to know...Of course, I am a human being, I eat, sleep, drink and think. Sometimes I am sober, sometimes not. I am currently an expatriate in some land where I have never even thought I will be when I took my college diploma. I am working in an office where perfection seems to be equal with life and living and of course, sanity and paycheck. These all make up into one individual who has dreamed of becoming a lawyer when he was in elementary, decided not to be one when he graduated from high school, thought about it after college and eventually whisk the idea out of his system after the First Semester. It is quite ridiculous that at the end of every day of your life, you came to realize that you are someone who has been a product of a myriad of experiences, a multitude of occurences and tide of experiences that all went by your life one way or another. This is me - some product of some experience, some instance, some happening taht happend, perhaps in the past and continuing now - at present.

Who am I? In my Friendster account I made a laboriously long epic of my incongruances. I elaborated on my complexities and hang ups in life. I recall, in the end, I posted I am a bitch but I pray - if my memory serves me right. In my Facebook account, I am in a hurry and short of characters that I decided to merge the words into a shorter version but still depicted by complexity and my incongruances - again.

To sum it all, I am a person who does not go by what I am yesterday, but what I planned for tomorrow or by who I am today. I am a person who does not always prefer to be someone else, but at times prefer if priority is provided. Inherent in my persona, I am complicated inasmuch as I strive to be conventional too. Very vague, very incomprehensible but totally human. Comments are criticisms are totally valuable much as I value tact and sense in words. Approach me if you feel the need, but do not screw me if you feel the urge. I am only the one who has the right to approach you when I feel the urge - makes sense right.

During my college and part of my professional life, I abhore people who consider themselves "very keen to details", that at times I question myself on what I do. But, I came to realize that details are just details that does not just require keeness but total understanding. And that, makes me stand up, I may not be keen I can comprehend and understand things. I am not dull much as I am so private and lifeless at times you will find youself dealing with a dead mummy (to those who will be raising their eyebrows - it is what you call DOUBLE ALLEGORY). Anyhow, I laugh but I cry too. Who would ever thought that when I was forst away from my mom that I spent the entire night crying and ending up eating chicken in some midnight restaurant. This is what makes me total human - I have blood, but that blood is so real you can feel how cold I can be. You wonder and you guess but you won't have me when I desire not to give in. That is how humane I am.

The level of seriousness that I can tolerate can be extremely high that at times I just volunteer myself to breakdown and give in to being crazy. But sanity always has a place in my watchful eye, that I always bear in my eyesight whom I am with just to ensure that I have the ones whom I trust most. Because, believe me, to be crazy with someone who cannot decipher your entire personality is just putting your hands in a handcuff of a policeman and you wake up the day after in a jail. It is always best, trust me, that when you throw up, you have the right people who can clean up your mess and not just dogs who will lick up what you spat. And, all this, can be achieved by alllowing everyone to pass through your electric wall to see who gets electrocuted and who has the heart to veer away from your indignation. At the end of the day, it is all about dealing with man's most ancient and basic instinct - PROTECTION.

Anyhow, this entire rite of introducing who am I is already taking its toll, in short, all I want to achieve in this rite is to assure everyone that I am a human being who is completely in contact with his sanity and has the right senses working on his system. I do not need to justify my existence as my name would speak for myself who am I and what I am and not as what people think I am or see what I am, but this is what I am - take it or leave it, if not just Screw Bella!