just so you know...

just so you know,
how hurt i am
and that this pain,
will always have,
a scar, a mark.
so long as i live,
this scar will remain,
to remind me,
of the days,
that hurt is way,
above all love
in this world.

and you are gone...

those smiles that we shared,
or the simple chat we had.
everything is in my heart,
stuck and constantly reminding,
of those days and nights
when a world of love
is promised and vowed.

those silent stares and sighs,
unmindful of the clock,
ticking and endlessly running.
we know, time is us and forever.
who would ever think,
how treacherous time is,
now it is gone and done.

those memories that we have.
are but memories now gone.
those dreams long woven,
tangled, vanished.
i look up at you from afar.
quiet unreachable and cold,
and almost now almost gone.

maybe indeed this ends up,
whatever thoughts of me and you.
and i have nothing left,
to hold on, to grasp for sanity.
now, with a bleak life to lead,
i will have my tears to shed
and a lifetime of hurt to live.

The Last Realization

In every story that we read, we start off with an anticipation of a happy ending. But, in some cases, our anticipations fall short. That is, we find ourselves in tears and with a hope of a turn of events. Fiction as it may seem, it is always in the most imaginative minds of the writers that both the happiest and the saddest stories comes out. And, much the same as every printed book holds a million of words, the life that we lead holds a million of stories comprised of a gazillion of words unspoken that convey even more than what a human mind can conceive - that is, we examine at what our hearts feels more.

Unpredictable, uncertain, unknown, these are the words that every human emotion clings into. If we are to speak out of experience, a human has never been constant in every second that counts. We see how every human being is subject to the dictates of the mind and the clash of the heart. Inasmuch as every philosopher may have attempted or tested the cognizance of both the mind and the heart, still, no one will ever be able to fathom the profoundness of what the brain and the muscle has. True, as a walking individual, we will always be slaves of our own internal voluntary or involuntary system that grips us - well, not just our personality, but our sanity.

Now, as we strive to love and be loved in return, we traverse this trodden path of scumbags and malice. We wage an everyday battle to everyone who attempts to strip us off with our comfort, with our pride, with our life. We may have met someone who promised a rainbow in the end of this life we lead on, we believe in him, we place our faith in him and we follow him. Sometimes, we find ourselves wrong or wronged. In the end, we found no pot of gold but simply an empty pot to catch every tear that we shed out of disappointment.

Now, tonight, as another story has ended, a simple hut may suffice to comfort that tired soul and swollen eyes. A respite perhaps in the arms of Morpheus will be more than enough to spare us from the tangibility of pain that this life has to offer. And we say - the end.

it is over...II

i do not wish to spend another bucket of tears over you...
nor would i wish to have my heart be in agony again...
maybe this is the reason why in everything there is,
a beginning and an end...
this time...it is over...

it is over..

tired...
hurt...
barely breathing...

fed up...
in pain...
unloved...

perhaps,
it is best...
to end this.

Maybe this time...

Maybe this time it is for me. For me to be loved and be cared for.
Perhaps this time you will think about me. And how I wish to belong -
to your heart.

Maybe this time it is for me. For you to appreciate me.
This time, I pray that you will pray for me too -
instead of me praying for you.

Maybe this time it is for me. Maybe this time, will be the time for me.

A story...

It was that night when I felt so sleepy. And, you popped up and suddenly the hours became blurred. We have nothing but the voice and the split second views, taking advantage of what technology can offer. You have your angel I got mine. You gave me yours and I gave mine to you too. The rest became a whirlwind.

But, I am unsure what happened next. Suddenly it all became so distant. Even your mind, I cannot get hold of what to do. I cannot even comprehend your actions or my actions.

All the while, I thought everything was fine. Until I find myself lost. Stumbled in a rock and when I loom around me, I saw nothing but your shadow in the road away from me.

I became unsure what went wrong. What I have done wrong or what have I made this time. With the haze upon me, it is a dizzying state to find your self with no one but your wits to hold on to.

And I laughed, this is just another story. Again. One of the many stories that I have woven and thinking that it will be different this time. I am wrong.