A Eulogy to that Buried Feeling

To You,


Despite the current macabre turn of events that has dawned unto me, I am writing this letter to reminisce everything and to eventually put a resolution at the end. Wherever you may be, it seems that the inevitable has come to place things in a particular degree of uncertainty where only God knows when will our paths cross - again - if ever. At least in a few words, I was able to immortalize in cyberspace the few precious moments that we shared and I may consider to be part of what I am now.

We started off in the most unconventional of all meeting places - cyberspace. You were confused, tired and I am the hopeful in search for the ideal. At some point we clicked and I cannot even remember when was that. All I am certain of, it was a cool morning with some shades of sleep in me and a hint of resigned feeling in you. But yes, you took me away to another realm when words were exchanged and in a spur of a moment it was all but me and you. That sense of hope in me was suddenly awakened. And, thereafter, it was all but that hopeful and idealist in me that has surged to life. I believe on that day, my heart skipped with an uncontained hope.


Unconsciously, I should say, that at some point, I made you the center of my life. But, knowing the distance, the infrequencies and the uncertainties that is undeniable between us, we know, it is not wise. Expectations are lowered down but friendship has been shared, nurtured and kept. Across this desert we brought smiles to each other. We may not be that constant companion to each other but the thought of me and you is enough to bring forth life in our day to day living.


As months go by, each shoulder and a hand is something to count on. We have crossed those miles between us and physical presence is now an after thought. I know, there were a lot of challenges, when I felt sorry for myself for not being there when you were almost losing grip of life. I know, I am more than guilty when all I can do is to cry with you over the phone when I should weeping those tears from you. I know, at some point I myself have gone restless and worried for every hardship that you are into.


Should I say that I tried to resign myself not to feel anything more than being friends. I am weak though for not trying this. Moreso, I kept this in me and held on to it - until today.


Today, life is with you and it may still be a long way to happiness for you but now, again, life is with you. Today, I now bury whatever carcass is left in my heart. Today, I will light that candle for whatever soul we have shared in the past. Today will be another day for each of us until that one day comes.

Go, life and happiness is waiting for you and I will never turn my back on you.


From Me

To My Soon to be Lover...

To my soon to be lover,


All these years I have yearned for you. Every day of my life is a wishing well, where I cast a coin in every pothole and wish you will come. Every night is an endless one where I always find myself staring for a falling star to wish for.

If you will come soon, I know my life will change. Every day and night will be spent in loving you. But I would wish to tell you that you will be loving a scorned heart. A heart full of hatred, pain, sorrow, agony and sadness. This is a tired heart that you will be loving. Tired of crying, of hating and of being unloved for so many years. This is a heart that has been to many endless battles in life and love. My heart has went to every struggle, every yearning, every ordeal.

Scarred of all of these, but, my heart keeps on beating and fighting and living for you. Because my heart knows, at some time, every wishing well or falling star will bear you. My heart knows, deep inside that you will be there, perhaps waiting too, perhaps praying for the same falling star that I am wishing at, or the same wishing well that I cam casting my coin at. I know, me and heart knows that you will come.

And, for you, my soon to be lover, I will just be waiting here too. In a place in this world where we can call our own someday. I am here, together with my yearning heart, in a stump, eager and strong against all odds. And I will not stop, even when the coins will be gone or every star has fallen, to hope for you.

I know you will come and I am here.


Yours truly,

Your soon to be lover too